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Here is one that is less of a short story and more of a day in the life. SLinging insults has always been a skilled activity for me and I recently was relating this tale of some verbal abuse I once had to dish out on a co-worker and decided I should publish it. Hope you enjoy this quick read and perhaps learn from it.

Brain Crushing Insult

Here is one of my best crushers. Back in 1991 I worked with this woman who was always trying to put me down. She thought she knew some short jokes I hadn't heard - She was wrong. More often than not my insults were too intelligent for her too know that she was losing the fight. One day she was being particularly abusive when the insult gods shined down upon me.

I was quiet and she was taunting me, "What's the matter cat got your tongue?" She asked as if she had made up that cliche. "You don't have anything smart ass come back?"

I refrained from my usual, "You're the one with a cum back!" reply to that question."I have something to say, I am just wondering whether or not I should say it." I replied.

"Go ahead," she said, "I am a grown woman, I can take it." I said, "I am pretty sure that if I say this your going to shut the F**k up and not say another thing to me for the rest of the day."

"Go ahead then," she taunted. "Unload the big guns."

In my defense, She did ask for it.

My response, gifted to me by higher powers came out slow, calm and dry.

"If you had a brain,,,

It would just be,,,

yet another part of your body,,,

That smelled like fish."

As I predicted her mouth clapped shut and she did not aim a single sound my way for the rest of the day. She did tell a co-worker that she was going to kick my ass in the parking lot after work but for some reason that didn't happen.

P.S. - On another occasion I was walking by her car where she sat having lunch and just as I passed she nearly hit me with a mustard and ketchup covered pickle that she had pealed from her hamburger. I truly thought she was going to kill me when I asked her if that was her diaphragm.

Circa 1991


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